wubawuba's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - i fucked up. i just broke up with Elliott. i never got over Michael blowing me off and than went out with Elliott. i loved him. i was in love with him. why did it stop? why did it end? i can't really think of a reason why it did, just that it did. i think back a year around the same time now. driving him back to his house from em&D's and always trying to think of how to tell him that i liked him. then one day he asked if i wanted to come in and watch some TV, and i said yes. i didn't tell him that i liked him but i think we both knew that night that we liked each other. after that we started going out and spend almost everyday together afterward, all summer. and i loved every minute of it. my first love, boyfriend, kiss, everything. now its over. and i want out of this room, out of this house. away from here. all his things are here in my room still and he left his takeout here too. i want him to call me right now but then i dont want to talk to him. its over its over its over ITS OVERR. that's all i need to think about. im not in love with him anymore but i feel like complete shit. i feel like i just lost something. but we cant just start back up again. it wont work. but it could. but im not IN love with him. i always thought id be with him, but i guess that's how most people feel when their in their first relationship. ...we'll be together forever, get married have kids, grow old....I did think about those things and in the start i wanted most of that besides the kids. i would cry just thinking about how happy he made me. now i feel numb , cold, sad, alone, nothing. and that not because of him. i knows it me. i let this stupid sad, depression bullshit take over me, maybe i wanted him to fix it. But i know that only i can. this year has been so stressful because of school. i just want to know what happened! why did i stop?? why didn't he? how did he not realize? why so soon, it was only a year. a fucking year. if i ever read over this it's going to sound so childish, teen angst like, or some thing of the sort. rant and rant ,ramble and ramble. there's a string hanging from my window that looks just like a noose. (im not trying to end this on a suicidal note, that's just what the string looks like.) 10:41 p.m. - May 28, 2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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